I feel so overwhelmed these days and I can’t quite explain what it is. Sometimes I unconsciously clench my teeth so hard that I can suddenly feel my entire jaw and how heavy it is, my head hurts and my empty stomach churns up my insides into a thousand tiny knots. The excessive acid refulx makes me regurgitate. That’s what anxiety feels like. As common this problem is as uncommon is awareness about it.
My struggles with anxiety started some 4 years ago. Before that it was dormant, but once triggered, it surfaced and became immutable. I stopped trusting people with my feelings. It made me fear attachments. Commonly, you’re advised by your friends and family is to follow a regular routine, take care of your food and exercising and staying motivated. But I don’t think anyone hardly understands, that anxiety is much more than that. It goes much deeper into the suface of what you actually see. It’s as physical as it is psychological.
“Staying motivated” is easier said than done. You join support groups, suck up self help books and even though they lift you up for a moment, the new found confidence fades away as soon as you’re alone in your room. This motivation is temporary, simply because it is not intrinsic but borrowed from outer sources. Reading a self help book feels like the author is trying to find meaning in his own life through his own words by writing letters to himself.
Healing, be it physical or mental is a process. It feeds on your patience and demands you to be kind to yourself. Dearest you, Don’t stay locked away in one corner of a dingy room. Love yourself. Embrace yourself with open heart. Go outside. Enjoy the Sun. Dance in the rain. Feel the grass. Smell the flowers. Sing with grasshoppers and crickets. Laugh with children. Do something. Anything. But don’t just sit in your dark and cold room. Be busy and be social. Boss your thoughts if it starts to stray on the negative path. Don’t let it run wild. Be kind. Indulge in selfless service. Form social connections. And most importantly, continue to make efforts. Trust the process of healing. Continue to move forward. And once you’re ready you’ll meet that someone and find that he was waiting all the while for you to love them and come help them heal.
Last modified: June 9, 2021
